..dear reader..

Never made it to GPs on Friday, couldn't make it to Supershrink either haven't marvellous Massuess in weeks..  At the moment it's like bad morning sickness and extreme period pains at the same time but without a period and without being pregnant that is aggravated by moving, leaning over, stress etc.. Periods are back on the cards now that the implant is gone.. Woohoo Really thought getting it removed would do something change it give us a day or week or two off. It was great when we first got it in almost a year ago. Pain free for weeks. Just keeps getting steadily worse and I don't have to think to hard before getting lots of horrific ideas as to why this is the case.  :-( On the other hand though the retro lap top is here and open office installed, one word processor file ongoing. :-)  ..help..

🌰🌿🍀

Tuesday next week is that lastest that the implant will be removed. Possibly Friday but it's always a nightmare to get through at 8 for their same day appointments.  🍏 All that stuff about the pain being something that they could control is rising up as you would expect really.  Roach seemed to be involved in a fair bit of what we are being shown at the moment. Stuff from the mid ninties he was the guy that had the training, something deep and vaginal that stopped the pain being chronic.  I don't know how or even he was triggering a DID switch or something that had a physical result that stopped the contractions or irritation.  More from the preschool years to..same pain. And the late nighties  and zeros when all the rapists and traffickers had learned whatever ever it was that starts of these contractions as well as the positions/angles that made it worse.  🐆 Roache's pain stopping/trigger internal procedure stopped working.  🐊 We covered some of this in therapy during

It came to us in a kind of half asleep, half awake state, lots of stuff does it's the easiest way. When the farmer called us Quine someone said 'how does he know my name?'.  She knows a lot of rape from one man it seems so far anyway, an older guy rough voice presumably north east what with calling us 'Quine' and all. But now that part was awake and squished between a very concerned farmer and his dog. He saw his stress over our lack of well being. He swore about the state we were in not at her. She heard his fury at her 'parents'.  She woke up. Need to see docs to get them to take out the implant. Was on all fours for a bit today. Not bleeding but contracting away.   

Forgive us Karen Bradley, you seemed like you would of done more but were taken off Yew Tree.. From: "Karen.A.Bradley@met.police.uk" <Karen.A.Bradley@met.police.uk> To: * Sent: Monday, October 15, 2012 1:55 PM Subject: Dear Julia. Police have received a referral from NSPCC regarding what you disclosed. Would you please email me back with your contact details including your address, or alternatively, please could you contact the office on 0207 161 3854. Regards Karen Total Policing is the Met's commitment to be on the streets and in your communities to catch offenders, prevent crime and support victims. We are here for London, working with you to make our capital safer. Consider our environment - please do not print this email unless absolutely necessary. NOTICE - This email and any attachments may be confidential, subject to copyright and/or legal privilege and are intended solely for the use of the intended recipient. If you have received this email i

Gona try put in order a bit.. taking some names out.. Yew Tree to emails to follow.. Left in some put not all of legal signatures. From: "help@nspcc.org.uk" <help@nspcc.org.uk> To: * Sent: Tuesday, October 9, 2012 11:30 PM Subject: Re: jimmy saville Dear * Ref 10060233 Thank you for your e mail which we received today, 9/10/12. The information you gave will be referred to the police who are dealing with all the allegations regarding Jimmy Savile.   Please  be aware  that the NSPCC has a duty to share all relevant information including any details you have provided about yourself.  However, the service does operate a strict confidentiality policy and it will be requested that your details are not disclosed. Regards Anne Children’s Services Practitioner. NSPCC Thank you for taking the time to contact the NSPCC with your concerns. I hope you have found contacting the Helpline useful. The NSPCC values service feedback and if you have any comments t

Have a Nurse Jackie/12 steps inspired item for a fuck u list... Fuck you 'Dad' for fucking me all those times over all those years and then becoming the only one in the family who showed any real concern over my chronic pain, my need to not be constantly bullshited to by everyone and being a help with my son. Your not forgiven for all the rape though or being part of that trafficking system. I know you have regrets and I know you sometimes tried to stop it. It's not enough you are a dyed in the wool mysognist and your limited efforts to accept me as a human being and not a sexual toy for you and your friends hasn't changed that. We do appreciate those efforts though and the steak and vino. 

For the non tweeters... We did already know this but if pain, trauma, stress are stored in the muscles and the muscles are massaged... She worked on our legs yesterday for a bit it wasn't easy. We trust the determined parts but they can be as wrong as anyone else sometimes.  The more we accept the more light is shown on hurt parts and their past...

The scan was better than the last. Super shrink mentioned I might want to email my mp. No reply so far but they have always replied so far so it seems reasonable that we will at least here from his assistant. Have a feeling it is over with lawyers.. Not definitely Greenwood may get back to me again. I still can't face the thought of approaching Scottish law firms thinking about it triggers to much memories of been taking there by traffickers, being told there is nothing I can do about all the abuse and slavery and showed that the lawyers were abusers to. Cant say the writing isn't happening though.. Twice now a GP has given us diazepam, same again 14 2mg. I don't want get into necking them constantly but the do provide a break from the anxiety particularly when there is no weed. It's always so good to wake up in the morning and not to feel stress as the first thing you are aware of.   Taking 2mg was wierd we didn't like it, maybe triggering something nasty we are no